all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
