if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
