This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
