also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
