you win again, gameday.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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