Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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