He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
