oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
