I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
