What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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