the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
