whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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