omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
