who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We got so high we made milksteak
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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