i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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