I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
