And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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