I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize