i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just crazy horny about you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
