He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
