We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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