I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
