I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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