do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
