I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
