I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
