He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
