dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
