I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
