What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
