Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
