i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize