I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
