shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love accidental penises.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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