After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
