I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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