You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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