I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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