It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
