dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
