I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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