I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
