You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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