apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
