Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
