Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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