the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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