Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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