cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
