i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
