Even the bartender felt bad for me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
