hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
