so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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