dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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