I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
