I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
