My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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