she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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