I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
