True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
