sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone came in the potted fern
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
