I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
