but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The feeling are messing with the penis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize