I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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