I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
