So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
