Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
