I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
