Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
