I am puke
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
