The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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