So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
