how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
