i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
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