He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
