I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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