we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
