So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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