sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
