This is not my ceiling
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
