new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
