I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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