Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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