The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
3pm strippers are depressing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
