I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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