Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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