She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
