she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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