woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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