Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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