Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
