I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
