And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
