my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
