I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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