I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
