why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you never un-have a 4some
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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