im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
