the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
