After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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