She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
