someone owes me an orgasm
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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